A Warm Soul

Hello you.

We left the boy with the “Ocean Colored” eyes on Rue Cler and continued our trip to the pink pastry shop down the street. There’s a bell on the door that rings when you come in. It’s warm inside. The early morning light sunkissing the whole shop through the windows. The smell of yeast, cinnamon and freshly brewed coffee fills up the air. It feels like home.

Welcome to our second destination: A warm soul.

The way that your big hands and tall fingers used to grab my head, the heat of your body invading mine, your eyes looking straight into mine like nothing else mattered in the world, and then… when you had me under your spell, your lips would meet mine and your tong smoothly explore my mouth. I’ve had you so many times, but somehow I want more. I have a desire that only you can fill. My needing lips on your perfect skin, discovering every inch of your body, kissing you from the top of your head to the tip of your toe. I feel you. I feel you inside my veins becoming a part of me, growing bigger and bigger. I feel “home”.

It’s only there and then that I realize: I am terrified.

You used to kiss me like it was the last time you would see me. And when all that changed, I knew you had changed. The passion was gone; your heart left my soul stranded without an answer. I pushed you away, built up walls that became my home. I was very clear about my decision. I was very hard on myself. Sold our hearts into the hands of destiny. Dropped our love into the sea of hope. But that feeling you give me inside can’t and will not be compared to another. Only you can wake up in me the person that I have learned to live without…

You are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need.

The boy with the “Ocean colored” eyes.

Hello again.

Tree-lined avenues, cobbled passages, the smell of sugary croissants in the air. We are walking in one of the seductively charming streets in Paris on a cold day with a warm sun: Rue Cler.

Welcome to our first destination: The boy with the “Ocean colored” eyes.

I remember your eyes. Your mesmerizing, irresistibly charming blue eyes. The kind of eyes you can look into and feel heavenly getting lost. The kind that played with light the way the deep royal blue oceans are gentle. I remember how I used to see my reflection weaved in them.

After so long, I find myself sitting crossed legged across the café from you. I’m laughing; I laugh and hope you’re watching. Not so that you see I’m happy but that maybe, just maybe, you’ll fall for my smile like for old time’s sake. Seeing you today, so happy with her made me realize that you will never forgive me. Your hand in hers, your eyes drowning into hers, smiling at each other like no one’s around. It reminded me of the pain. I don’t like the memories: Tears come easily and once I break that promise I made to myself, it will be a constant battle again. A war between remembering and forgetting.

If only I knew, then, how to make you want to be with me forever.

If only I took one extra minute to think before I risk everything between us.

 “If only” will not drive you back to me… I lost our sweet, sweet love and I’m terrified to love again. I had a desire for every inch of you. The smell of your breath on my needing lips, the taste of you under the covers, and your voice rummaging through every vein in my body.

You turned and suddenly saw me. We looked at each other, but we weren’t seeing. I saw you, I saw your face, but I didn’t see your eyes. Something was missing, something was not their… You had buried your heart in dust, followed by our love. And it was time I did the same.

Welcome to my mind castle

Hello, there!

Human life. The most extraordinary thing there is, they say.

Threw out history, not a philosopher, a poet nor a researcher could resist the temptation of discovering and writing about the purpose of life, the beginning of it. Consider, for instance, Aristotle. He had it all figured out, didn’t he? He defined a human being as being a “rational animal” which is reflected in the modern name for our species “Homo Sapiens” meaning in Latin “Wise men”, little did he know. Or, one of my personal favorites, Charles Baudelaire who expressed the changing beauty in modern Paris back in the 19th century bringing to life his struggle in finding happiness and meaning for life. The thrill of it is that, we will remain the most mysterious creatures of them all.

Yes, we are indeed creatures. We are tormented by our own existence, what is wrong and what is right, between the voice of reason and our emotions, what we desire and what is the right thing to do and to want. So complicated, right? Humans have been trying so hard to figure out life that they have created rules to feel safe, sanction to free their conscience. We have been so lost in finding purpose in love, dreams, relationships, drugs, lust that there is nothing left in this world that can fill that void. Humans even categorized their fellow creatures so that everything and everyone has a label: single, married, divorced, cheater, mistress, whore, nerd, weirdo and so on goes the list.

Humans have erased all the barriers of privacy in leading open lives on social media stealing all the fun in getting to know one another, vanishing sincere communication and making prejudice our master in a majestic gold crown. We want to be seen, we want to seem outgoing and open, and we want to lead incredibly interesting lives. But we wind up creating a life that is not ours, going to the job that we hate, hanging out with the friends that used to disgust us wondering maybe we will share their power one day, hanging out in the fanciest places we couldn’t afford but never said no to, always letting the wrong people in but never manage to stop it, playing a role in this masquerade that entertains society.

Okay, fine. You want entertainment? You’ve got it.

The girl with the brown eyes is welcoming you into her mind palace.

A place like no other, with no filters, filled with sweet poems and writings about sour love and lifelong disappointments. We’ll laugh together, get angry together, tear up together but know this; she will always leave you wanting to know more.

mind palace